Friday, March 02, 2007

Strange Days

I have had a strange last couple of days. I have been dealing with my Mom and now my High School is on every news station in the US.

1) I barely made it to work on time this morning. I just missed the backup that was started to hit the surface streets after I-75 was shut down this morning due to a horrific accident. A charter bus carrying a college baseball team came off of the overpass and landed back on the interstate.

2) Last night when I got home, my brother called me and told me our high school had taken a direct hit from a tornado. I turned on the news and learned how bad it was when I saw that 8 students had been killed. I then called my godmother who still lives in Enterprise. She said she was safe and doing fine. The funnel was a few miles away in downtown and her power had already been restored. My dad now lives about 20 miles away from Enterprise and is safe as well. He had already called my brother and let us know that he was fine. How's that trailer looking now Dad? I guess it's a little less of a magnet when it's on a horse farm and not in a "park." Our town is usually only known for it’s Boll Weevil Monument or when S.W.A.T. accidentally shot and killed a hostage at a strip mall while trying to make a sharp shot at the hostage taker. Enterprise is a small town, but I'm always amazed at how many of us ended up in Atlanta after graduating from different colleges. Stacie still finds it funny how often I run into someone that went to EHS. She goes back home to S.C. monthly and rarely sees anyone she knew.

3) Wednesday, my mom did something selfish and stupid and ended up in the hospital. Yesterday she was moved to a temporary facility for her own safety. Maybe it is because I have been "blessed" with great friends and a loving wife, but I don't normally understand this particular act. In her case, I can't say I blame her. Her quality of life has deteriorated in these past 8 years since surviving her aneurism. She’s not broke and has a great place to live, but physically and mentally she’s in bad shape.

Last night, as Stacie and I were packing a week’s worth of clothes, toiletries, and cigarettes for her, I found bills that are going to be overdue and started realizing that her care was about to be my responsibility again. I was having huge pangs of guilt because I wasn’t sad about her attempt, instead it was starting to make me mad that she hadn’t succeeded. I am having a hard time accepting that any human being can have these feelings about his own mother. She never abused me when I was a child or left me with strangers while she was off smoking crack. I have no desire for her to take her own life, I am just a very selfish person and I just don’t want to be responsible for her anymore. We firmly parted ways a little over a year ago and I have no desire to go back to the way things were. We both got to a point where we were worse than strangers. We genuinely didn't like each other and couldn't stand to be around one another. I know this comes off as cold and heartless, but it's true. I have been very confused about the level of interaction I am going to continue to have with her now that she is living closer to me again when she is discharged next week. I sure that between this confession and my nude pictures from Mardi Gras, I’m never gonna get elected to public office.


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