Funny Things My Coworker Says

I work with a really sweet woman that sometimes says things without completely thinking through what she is saying. I think most of it comes from combining 2 phrases and she adds her own touch with hilarious results. These usually come when someone is picking on her and she starts to defend herself and gets flustered. Here are what I have documented so far:

"But under the ropes, we don't know." I think we were trying to figure out why a coworker was being such a dumbass.

"As long as you keep your own back clean." She was telling someone else to mind their own business.

"No pennies unturned." Make sure you look everywhere.

"Better use the Mighty Mouse." She was talking about cleaning a toilet and meant "Tidy Bowl Man."

"Up to my ass in alligators and I can't get them off of my throat." Another coworker had a great response "You must have had your head up your ass!"

"You've been working the little beaver." Instead of "busy like a beaver." This got big laughs.

"We're so busy, we had to catch our tail to get there."

"The Pesky Truck." Instead of the "Penske" truck for shipping.

"The ball will fall."

"I went to the bathroom and did 2 customers at the same time." This is my favorite. We just opened our new sales counter near the bathrooms, so sometimes when we go over to the bathroom, we have to help walk-in customers with their orders.

"Communication is our worst enemy." I think she meant, "lack of communication."

"Deader than a freakin' snail." I realize snails are slow and door nails are dead.

"Memory like a duck." Confusing elephants and ducks. I guess it's like "water off on elephant's back."

"More than its barked up to be." Instead of "cracked up to be."

"The Old Witch of the South."

"Drives me up a nut tree."

"Swallering our butts off." Talking about how fast she and a coworker had to eat lunch since the service was slow.

"Somebody's done turned CW's funny bone over."

"Take my voice back." I really don't remember, I think she was trying to retract a statement.

"Hang in there like a Trojan." One vivid image comes to mind, but she meant just keep doing your job.

"You put words in your own mouth."

"I don't want to go 3 feet under." We were having some death conversations.

"Hung like a trooper." This is her attempt to correct the "hanging trojan" comment. We asked her if she was still falling for the "breathalyzer" trick again.

"Hootie and the Goldfish."

"A trojan came in the backdoor!." A computer virus warning prompted her to exclaim to the room. It made us think of the "hanging trojan" again.

"Under the bug." When your sick.